It’s kind of a long story how this all started, but it began with my new fish.
A month ago I got a new fish–his name is Jimmi. He is named after Jimi Hendrix (because his song happened to be playing in the car on the way home from Petsmart), but I spell it with two m’s so no one can mistake him for the actual singer.
I bought him a house and he ACTUALLY SLEEPS/LIVES IN IT! Here is a picture. Is this not the most heartwarming thing you have ever seen?
So, when I took the picture of him in his house I was like “that’s really cute,” so naturally I sent it to my cheerleading groupchat. Within minutes, the conversation between all 14 girls became a hodgepodge of terrible pet stories.
What do I mean by “terrible pet stories?” I mean that pretty much everyone has some kind of awful story about a pet they owned as a little kid. I used to think it was just me, but the amount of stories told that night blew my mind. And they were hilarious.
I think this topic is article-worthy so I won’t spill the beans too much, but I thought I would share some of my worst pet stories, and some of the funnier ones I have heard:
The Frozen Guinea Pig (my story)
My family and I had to go out of town for a week or so to Cape Cod to spend some time with my grandparents. At the time, my older brother had a guinea pig (I have since forgotten its name).
We needed someone to take care of it, so we left it with my best friend Christine. We gave her all of the instructions about his food and cleaning and playtime…but we forgot to mention that guinea pigs can sometimes play dead when alarmed. Whoops.
A few days into the trip, we get the call that unfortunately our beloved guinea pig died while in the care of Christine. To preserve the body, they put him in the freezer until we could come home to give him a proper burial in the backyard.
Well, he wasn’t really dead. He was just playing dead. This was not realized until after his terrible and untimely death-by-freezer. What a terrible way to go.
The Punctured Goldfish (story provided by anonymous cheerleader)
“Once my fish jumped out of its tank and I didn’t want to pick it up, so I just tried to stab it with a pencil to put it back in. I somehow thought it would survive its wounds.
But it gets better. I put it back in the tank with the pencil in it. Didn’t even realize it was dead for a few days.”
The Glamorous Guinea Pig (provided by anonymous cheerleader)
“I used to own a guinea pig and I’m terrible at making decisions so I named it ‘rose diamond sparkle'”
The Diseased Dog (provided by anonymous cheerleader)
“For my 10th birthday I got my dog, but we didn’t have him yet so my mom printed out a picture for me to bring to school. It rained while I was walking there that morning so the picture got all messed up and everyone asked me if my dog had a skin disease and I cried”
The Birthday Party From Hell (provided by anonymous cheerleader)
“When I was 10 I had my birthday party in my backyard and a rabid pitbull wandered in. The police came and shot it and everyone cried.”
The Distressed Guinea Pig (my personal favorite story provided by an anonymous cheerleader)
“When I was in 5th grade my one-week-old guinea pig, Piglet, was sitting on the counter. He got spooked and ran and fell behind our oven, and I was home alone with two of my friends. We were all freaking out, and we somehow had enough adrenaline to muster up the strength to pull the oven out from the wall and retrieve the guinea pig.”