January 29, 2016

Almost Famous

Recently I found out that for the last 11 years, my family has been sitting on a potential gold mine. And no, I’m not ok.

I guess I should begin by telling you what is going on in the photo above and why it has anything to do with fame and gold. So, here’s the story:


Molly B.T. (before the tongue) celebrating her homeland on St. Patricks day

The dog in the photo (yeah, the one with the dried tongue drooping out of her mouth) is my dog, Molly. Molly is a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that I hand picked when I was just about 4 years old. We nicknamed her “Molly McButter” due to her ability to gain a lot of weight, and very quickly.

Molly has had it pretty rough. A long time ago, she went into the vet for an ear infection and ended up being allergic to the prescribed ear drops. This reaction resulted in her permanently losing her hearing, which was really sad.

A few years later, we discovered she had a certain gum disease that required all of her teeth to be surgically removed. Ruff.


The tongue definitely guarantees some great photo-ops


In the end, Molly ended up being a deaf, toothless, slightly overweight Cavalier. But, a really loved one, at that.

I know what you’re thinking: THE TONGUE. Because she doesn’t have any teeth, there isn’t really anything to hold the tongue “in.” So, the tongue just kind of chills and droops down outside of her mouth.

What does any of this have to do with a gold mine? 

Well, nothing really. Molly was always just our toothless Cavalier…until a few weeks ago. Until we discovered the existence of a golden, undeserving imposter: Toast.



This, is Toast.


My mom and I discovered Toast when she saw a photo of her in a magazine, labeled a “fashion icon.” When I went to check her out, I discovered countless websites Toast has been featured on and her Instagram following of 342,000. What is she selling? What’s the catch?

The fact that she is a toothless Cavalier. Original.


Your outfit looks tacky, Toast.

I mean, come ON. Toast is on Good Morning America, People Magazine, VOGUE???

Molly was the original toothless Cavalier. All this time, we could of been selling her silly, dried out, hairy tongue all over the place.

I feel robbed. All this time Molly could of been a star. VOGUE??

I think that people would enjoy Molly way more than Toast. What kind of name is that anyways? Would you name your child Toast?

Toast is superficial, and clearly only cares about what she wears (based on her fashion themed online-presence). Molly, however, is a no make-up, no fancy dress kind of gal. She is just plain tongue and Cavalier.

Maybe I’ll get over it, maybe not. Perhaps Molly just wasn’t meant for the spotlight.

But, just look at that face:






Join the conversation! 1 Comment

  1. I really liked your description of her hairy tongue 😛



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